Seeing the negative helps see the positive.

I am experiencing change. A season of life has ended and a new one is beginning. The timing is ironic because New Hampshire, where I live, is on the cusp of fall. It is dark when I leave for my workout and the air conditioner is no longer kicking on during the day at The Wellness Cottage. I also turned on my fireplace in the office today to “take the chill out of the air”. True story- I love fall but I go into it with resistance. I have long pants on but I am still wearing sandals. I think this is the way I approach life’s changing seasons too. With excitement and optimism as the main course but self-doubt as the condiment. I described myself the other day as being 99 % positive about this change and 1% not. My inner narrative has been a hodgepodge of ” it’s good, this is the best outcome, it is going to be better for you and your business”, along with “but you kind of failed, Kim, you did something wrong, not everyone liked what you had to offer”.

Have you ever experienced this? Perhaps you described it as the “yes it is good…… but…” or ” do not get too comfortable because the other shoe could drop, or the rug could be ripped out from under you”.  We try to create equilibrium by the reminders to focus on the positive and let the negative go. But sometimes, it just does not work.  We can get stuck on the negative even though it represents a tiny percentage of the whole.  In working through this situation, I tried the above approach , but it only made me feel worse.  In my recent coaching session with Kellie, she posed the question,” What do think this 1 % self-doubt is trying to teach you? ”

Without the 1% self-doubt, I have no reference point for the 99 % positive. Feeling the good is dependent upon knowing that it is different and separate from the self-doubt. It is the same as the physical sensation of cold- we have to be feeling warm to know that it is cold. I need to know the self-doubt to be able to know the positive. So here is my takeaway, maybe it will work for you too.  I think this idea of  “its good, but…” goes beyond applied to season and life changes. For example, it could be applied to the challenge of working with a difficult person. Perhaps this difficult person is an opportunity to know what working with an easy person is.

Instead of being annoyed at yourself for giving energy to the negative or self-doubt, we could see it as the gift of contrast. To feel and appreciate the good. I will be a work in progress who is super grateful for the self-reflection my change has provided me with. Self-doubt is my brain letting me know that I have something to learn and grow from. And after all, this is my  number one goal- to learn and grow  so that I can live my best life yet, each day.

Peace,

Kim