Not Going to Nuttyville

When life became busier than comfortable for me, my default was feeling overwhelmed.  The word “was” is important to me.  I have done a lot of work on managing overwhelm. While by no means an expert and I am only an N of 1, I do believe that now when life gets extra busy, my default is no longer to feel overwhelmed. As a proclaimed type A adult with undiagnosed, but likely present ADHD, managing stress is not an option for me.

Do you ever feel overwhelmed? Do you know where it comes from?

In a coaching session a few months back, my coach Kellie asked me what would be most helpful to address during this coaching session with her. I was in an extra busy season of life so my response was humorous and a reflection of this season. I told her that “I do not want all this “stuff” to be a path to Nuttyville”. She laughed and said, “That is a ”  Bad things will happen. But, research indicates that by 6 months resilient people will be back to their baseline”.  Jay Shetty, The Daily Jay on The Calm App.  { If you have not tuned into Jay Shetty’s content either in the Calm app or his fantastic podcast “On Purpose”.  Do so.}   With regard to  The reason for this bounce back is that we overestimate how low we are going to feel if …. happens and we do not realize how much control we have over our experience. Ultimately, what determines our outcome resides inside of us.

This is another flavor of agency. Agency is a new concept for me and I like it. Google defines it as the sense of control that you feel in your life, your capacity to influence your thoughts and behavior and have faith in your ability to handle a wide range of tasks and situations. Your sense of agency helps you to be psychologically stable, yet flexible in the face of conflict or change.

So back to Nuttyville. For me, Nuttyville is emotional dysregulation, spinning wheels, catastrophizing, and blaming the external forces for all my woes.  So if I do not want to take the train to Nuttyville, I must make a deliberate choice to not do so. I know, not easy but go back to words, deliberate. Which means a conscious concerted effort that will involve energy and perhaps a new way of thinking. What is the first step?  Awareness.

Being aware of unhelpful sentences.  This may mean doing a data dump on a blank piece of paper. Put the issue you are experiencing on the top of a piece of paper and then write down every thought you can think of that is related to that issue. For example;

Overwhelmed (stressed out)

I have too much to do

I cannot be expected to do all of this

No one else is doing what I am doing

Now what?

I cannot get the stuff that needs to be done, done

I have no time for myself

Everyone wants something from me

I cannot prioritize what needs to be done because everything seems important

I am overwhelmed

I need a break

I want to run away

These are just a few examples of sentences that may be part of your narrative when you are feeling overwhelmed. Letting these thoughts run amok, even if they seem so true, has no good outcome for you. If fact, they are like quick sand. They will keep you stuck and may even swallow you up. Most of them are not “truths”.  The truth is that with a little digging you can find evidence of an example of you being able to do exactly what your brain currently says you cannot. For example- if you usually get the stuff done that needs to be done, the sentence, I cannot get the stuff done that needs to be done is not true and if dwelt on will lead  you to feel incapable. The sentences above fall into the category of problem thinking. They offer no helpful suggestions.  But, each can be altered to create a possibility sentence and possibility sentences lead to resolution of whatever the problem is.  Here are some examples using the above sentences which will help you think in a new way that will lead to action which will create the results you want for yourself.

I need a break- then get along and take one! 

I have too much to do– maybe not, if you remove all the should-dos

Now what? – the next right step. Take 5 minutes to stop and find it. 

I am overwhelmed– nope, I am Kim and I am capable of figuring anything out. 

Be aware of the self-limiting thoughts that lead to feeling incapable. If they show up, show them the door. Try this mantra every time an unhelpful confidence-killing thought pops up  “Everything that needs to get done, will get done”. This thought will move you forward, improve your productivity, and ultimately lead to much better results.

To your peace of mind

K